This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
