I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
