It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I want a musical about memes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
