all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
