Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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