This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
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