If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
