bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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