You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
