My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
