I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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