no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
