big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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