between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
