Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
