we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize