I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
