I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
