so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
