those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
