i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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