I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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