mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
