girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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