i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
