she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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