I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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