i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
