I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
