all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
