Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
