Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize