Pappa wants mamma naked
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize