i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
