I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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