I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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