He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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