Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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