so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
