I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
