Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
