Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
