do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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