Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
