Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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