I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
