I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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