Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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