they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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