just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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