she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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