I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
