Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
