tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I want a musical about memes.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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