i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it's like heaven, but drunker
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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