sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
birth control should be required to get into college
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize