Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
