Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize