Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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