Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
