Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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