so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize