I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
