i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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