So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
