My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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