How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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