She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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