I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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